I did work at the Christmas Tree Shop last week and the week before, so it is not like I did not get out. I did and was able to, last week, catch up on several things necessary to end the year, which is not too far away, but there is something about this time of year, where you have all these very happy people and this time of year should be, but I don’t feel it. The funny thing is, I never have. It is not the happiest time of year for me and never has been and yes, when all is said and done, I am in the ranks of those that think there is just too much of the songs, and the rah, rah, rah of the season. Don’t get me wrong, it is nice, and I appreciate it, the further along in life I get, but is it real or just commercialism in hyperdrive. I am not trying to be a scrooge, or rain on everyone’s parade, but it is just not for me, and I feel a little stuck.
What this year has brought to me was a very nice balance of my personal and professional life, which I hope will continue into next year, and of course, my time with Rosa has been the best time of my life. I have experienced many things and will share in the last blog of the year or maybe as a reflection when the new year starts. She will say to not be melancholy, but how can I not, when we are not in the same place, on several different levels. It is not easy, but nothing in life is and right now, the balance is not there and diving into my work without that balance is not good either. In a way, and where I am, feels a bit isolated when it should not be. I am an introvert by nature, so too much of anything, isolation, over stimulation, food, drink, whatever it is, is too much to me and sometimes I simply shut down. I really can’t afford to shut down and I am better able to handle it than years past, but it is hard sometimes.
I leave this week for San Francisco to visit Kenn, my biological father, over the Christmas holiday, and while we don’t celebrate, really, I am there to catch up and re-connect, if possible. He is 84 and doing well, overall, but his memory seems to be going, and I know this experience will be hard for me. I am doing this as I have had a connection with him for about 40 years. When the divorce happened, when I was 2 years of age, there was a void, and I needed to know, where the other half was, which I will not get into here. I did not see him after age 3, and until I started seeking out who this person was, and with the help of an aunt, who is no longer around, some 45 years ago, I finally met him as an adult when I returned to New York City to seek out a career in the restaurant industry. Yes, I was a trained chef, way back in the day, and 14 years in that industry, a very long time ago and have been a foodie ever since, of course eating way too much over the years, until I changed my lifestyle, thanks to a very special person.
In any case, long story short, we stayed in touch over the years, and even earlier this year, when Rosa came to America, once of the places we went was San Francisco, so she had a chance to meet him and Nora, his wife. So, I will be on the road again and I am sure there will be some bumps in that road, but I am up for it and scary as it sounds, there is a Hard Rock, not the one in San Francisco, of which I have been, and more than once, but up near Sacramento, so yes, a road trip there to add to the collection.
I would like to wish everyone a happy, healthy holiday season for those celebrating Hanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or simply enjoying the season in your own way. Thank you for your support of my crazy little world and of my small business. It is truly appreciated, and as always, I am interested in your thoughts, comments, questions and adding to the discourse is always appreciated be in on the site itself or on Facebook or wherever you read this!!!
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Weathering the Storm with the Wandering Puffin